You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
