If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
