Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
