You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I just want nice things and good sex
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Randomize
