so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
