I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
