You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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