What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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