Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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