What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize