Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
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