my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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