I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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