It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
