Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
