You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
