you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
