just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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