There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
