Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
