is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
