We're like a lot better than the average bears
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
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