She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
