Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
17 year olds will be the death of me.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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