shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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