i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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