im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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