Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
