so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Oh god it's open bar.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
