No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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