My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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