You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
