i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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