What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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