I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
