It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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