Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
