Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
