bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
