you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
