Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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