I'm so fucking centered right now
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
