i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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