I hate all girls vehemently.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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