those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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