I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize