Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
