your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
