I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I smell like Dick and happiness
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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