Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
