the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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