She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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