omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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