Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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