I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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