I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We left an ass print on the piano.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
