my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
