How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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