I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
