I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
try to milk me bitch
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
